8302010 2143

It's hard not to blame yourself
For all of the things
that hurt you the worst
Especially when
It was a direct result of your own gullibility.
It's also hard to trust anyone afterwards
Especially when
The person you trusted the most
Hurt you the worst.
And still continues to hurt you,
Even though they're long gone.

But it's okay to trust new people,
Even if it hurts so much.
I promise.

8302010 2130

Tonight is a night for crying
A night for remembering
And a night for writing.

8302010 2123

I wish I hadn't let you get to me,
When it was still cold but getting warm.
But I can't regret what happened,
It's given me so many
New, beautiful things.
In many ways,
Strange ways,
You will always be
The best thing that ever happened to me.

82910 2322

I am too painfully aware
Of sounds during night time.
Like I expect to hear my door creak,
Turn over,
And see you standing there,
Looking sorry.
But I certainly hope
That never happens.
We have different dreams now,
And we operate on different levels.
Stay in your hourglass.

82910 2320

Like a wrecking ball
You left a huge hole in me.
I've been holding myself together,
But I can hear you swinging back
And I'm not sure
If I'll make it through another blow.

8102010 154

I was upset because of something trivial,
I remember it clearly.
He was grilling in his fenceless backyard.
He looked up,
I wasn't making eye contact-
It was a bad neighborhood.
"Smile, it can't be that bad."
I'll never forget.
One day,
I want to find that man.
And tell him how he impacted my life.

892010 109

Remember?
Hugs and kisses and lollipops
Always made booboos better.
Now all it takes is time.
We aren't as high maintenence now,
We don't require the material things,
But now we feel things we don't understand
And we say things we don't mean
And we hurt
And we cry
And we'll never sleep as deeply
As we did when the world was safe,
And we didn't know how horrible people were.

I wish I could be that innocent again.

892010 115

I wish you hadn't lied so much
I wish you hadn't given me all that hope.
Because I keep finding new lies every day.
Like you tucked them in different corners of my mind,
like dirty magazines or illegal drugs,
You hid them from everyone.
Now I find at least one a day,
and it's making it hard for me
to open my mind to anyone else.
The worst thing about it all
is that you're lying about
what you lied to ME about.
It wasn't just the cigarettes,
it was your nasty words,
too.

622010 1340

Why do we wait
to take pictures
Till the end?
Why would we want to remember
the end more than
any other time?

892010 107

Maybe one day
I will look back and hardly remember,
but now it is all painfully vivid
and extremely distracting
and hurts just as much
as it did while it was happening.

892010 111

I wish I could write letters
to dead people.
I could apologize for things I regret now.
I only really have one person to apologize to.
They never had a birthday or a lollipop.
It was my fault.
They never snuggled a puppy.
It was my fault.
They never fell in love or cried.
It was my fault.
I don't know if they ever felt pain,
or if they ever had a thought,
or if they ever heard beautiful music,
but I hope they do now, wherever they are.
I am so sorry,
that I am so selfish.

612010 635

You and I-
we can write whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe it will make someone cry.
Does it make anything easier on anyone?
Probably not.
Then why the hell are we writing?

To connect.

612010 621

I hate that phrase
that runs through my head endlessly
"Love is enough." "Love is enough."
As if someone whispered it
into my ear as I slept.
"Love is enough." "Love is enough."
The voice lies-
love has never been enough.

612010 617

It's funny
how you suddenly discover someone who understands,
then they live in another county.
They will never know who you are,
and between the two of you,
all that heartbreak
would end the world.

612010 1228

And sometimes,
we find common ground
with people we never bothered to get to know,
after it's much too late
to know them at all.