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I have taken time to thank you in the past,
But I want to make it clear one last time.
This is who I am.
I am Ashley. I am seventeen.
This writing,
These simplified thoughts,
(for the most part)
Are me.
They are me when I'm laying in bed,
Staring at my stars,
Staring at my flickering fan,
Staring at the bumps that are constellations on my ceiling.
They are me when I'm sitting on my bathroom floor,
Towel against my face,
Sobbing,
Listening to nothing.
They are me when I'm sitting,
And something hits me,
And I have to write it down.
They are me,
No walls,
No lies,
No dodges.
They are my deepest thoughts compiled into vague sentences that you can take and understand in the way YOU need to understand.
This is who I am,
And if you've read all of my bits,
You know me more intimately than most people I know.
I don't need to worry about a funny face,
Or a recoil when I write here.
I don't need to worry about sympathy or anger.
I don't even know if anyone bothers to read what I've bothered to write.
But if someone does,
Thank you,
For understanding,
And tolerating,
And not telling me I need to be something else.
I am sorry if what I write invokes negative emotions.
I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me,
For all my mistakes.
But this is who I am.
And if you can handle all of this,
And still look at me without disgust,
I love you with every piece of me I can love with.
I need this, and I hope someday
It changes the way you look at something.
I hope you take what I've written and quote me,
Or keep it in your heart,
And remember that you're not alone when you're laying in bed staring at things that mean nothing to anyone but you.
Remember I am doing the same thing.
Remember I come to this when I can't sleep.
Thank you.