You know, for the longest time,
I felt like you were all
I had ever known.
I was so intent on remembering,
I didn't realize that eventually,
I'd be who I am now.
And I'll feel like you were just another person.
I barely remember things from our relationship.
A year isn't that long.
10.27.2010
102810 051
I look back and wonder,
How was I that gullible.
I also look back and wonder,
How were you that convincing?
I was only sixteen.
Who are you?
10.24.2010
102510 024
It feels so weird,
Having someone else's hands on me.
Not bad.
But just different.
You can feel the different intentions
With each touch,
Though physically they were the same.
I play through each one,
And this latest one has left me glowing.
I close my eyes and remember,
Replay,
And wonder what I was thinking before.
Selfishness is never good in making love.
It should never be an ingredient.
Having someone else's hands on me.
Not bad.
But just different.
You can feel the different intentions
With each touch,
Though physically they were the same.
I play through each one,
And this latest one has left me glowing.
I close my eyes and remember,
Replay,
And wonder what I was thinking before.
Selfishness is never good in making love.
It should never be an ingredient.
10.17.2010
101810 045
I liked The O.C. so much
Because it gave me problems
I could turn off with the push of a button.
Problems sometimes I wish I had.
Ryan had an alcoholic mom
And got a second chance at a great life.
He left her behind,
And I was wishing I could do the same.
Because it gave me problems
I could turn off with the push of a button.
Problems sometimes I wish I had.
Ryan had an alcoholic mom
And got a second chance at a great life.
He left her behind,
And I was wishing I could do the same.
10.16.2010
101310 2326
It's this part-
The opening up part
That I'm bad at.
You see,
I've only been through this once.
So I am going to need
You to be patient with me.
The opening up part
That I'm bad at.
You see,
I've only been through this once.
So I am going to need
You to be patient with me.
101210 2335
I always feel so special
When little kids like me.
It's like God telling me
Yes,
You're made for this.
I can't wait to have my little girl.
I can't wait to share a heartbeat with her.
I may not be very ambitious-
If you asked me what I wanted to be,
I'd say mother.
But being a mother is all I ever need to be.
When little kids like me.
It's like God telling me
Yes,
You're made for this.
I can't wait to have my little girl.
I can't wait to share a heartbeat with her.
I may not be very ambitious-
If you asked me what I wanted to be,
I'd say mother.
But being a mother is all I ever need to be.
101210 2334
If it ends up
That I cannot bear children,
All my life until then
Will have been a waste.
A barren woman is worth
Absolutely nothing.
That I cannot bear children,
All my life until then
Will have been a waste.
A barren woman is worth
Absolutely nothing.
101210 2332
I hate that you make me wish
You'd met him first.
Cause he's everything you needed in your ex boyfriend.
I hate that you make me feel guilty
For being so happy.
You'd met him first.
Cause he's everything you needed in your ex boyfriend.
I hate that you make me feel guilty
For being so happy.
101210 2330
I'm a whore?
I am a whore.
You lied to me.
You pressured me.
You made me your whore.
I may be a whore,
I'll give you that.
But you're a lying,
Cheating,
Big headed,
Bastard,
Mother fucker of a man,
Who can't even be romantic.
Good luck.
I am a whore.
You lied to me.
You pressured me.
You made me your whore.
I may be a whore,
I'll give you that.
But you're a lying,
Cheating,
Big headed,
Bastard,
Mother fucker of a man,
Who can't even be romantic.
Good luck.
101210 2329
I hate myself everyday
For not saving myself.
I need stable ground.
I wish the people I lean on
Would quit leaving me.
For not saving myself.
I need stable ground.
I wish the people I lean on
Would quit leaving me.
101210 2327
Love always,
P.S. Don't say maybe.
Penguins.
Giraffes.
Princess Piggiewigglies.
Wrestling.
Football.
Dominique.
Self respect.
Sweaters.
A&M.
Boats and Birds.
Tickle me Pink.
KOol.
Nothing will be the same.
P.S. Don't say maybe.
Penguins.
Giraffes.
Princess Piggiewigglies.
Wrestling.
Football.
Dominique.
Self respect.
Sweaters.
A&M.
Boats and Birds.
Tickle me Pink.
KOol.
Nothing will be the same.
101210 2321
You constantly find ways to
Wiggle back into my life.
I can't take it anymore.
Stay away from me.
I waited six months.
I waited half a year for you.
And I begged you,
I cried on my knees,
I cried for weeks,
Praying you'd call,
And pretending I was healing.
Then I finally let go,
And for once someone was willing to help me up after the fall.
You could have been him.
But its too late to prove yourself.
I just want you to go be happy elsewhere.
Love Always.
Wiggle back into my life.
I can't take it anymore.
Stay away from me.
I waited six months.
I waited half a year for you.
And I begged you,
I cried on my knees,
I cried for weeks,
Praying you'd call,
And pretending I was healing.
Then I finally let go,
And for once someone was willing to help me up after the fall.
You could have been him.
But its too late to prove yourself.
I just want you to go be happy elsewhere.
Love Always.
10.10.2010
101010 1408
I am honestly extremely lucky.
I found someone amazing
Right after a too-long relationship.
And I moved on.
A clean cut,
Not too much time wasted on crying.
I am very blessed.
I found someone amazing
Right after a too-long relationship.
And I moved on.
A clean cut,
Not too much time wasted on crying.
I am very blessed.
10.09.2010
10610 2318
I feel as if
I'm one of the shittiest people.
And I hate so much
That my internet goes down at 11.
I can never express just how much
I've fallen for you by the time I notice it's time to go.
I love you, so very much.
I'm one of the shittiest people.
And I hate so much
That my internet goes down at 11.
I can never express just how much
I've fallen for you by the time I notice it's time to go.
I love you, so very much.
10510 149
There's not many things I wouldn't give up to erase my past.
At the very least,
The past two years.
At the very least,
The past two years.
10510 144
A hand on the back of my neck,
A finger on my spine.
A graze on my collar bone.
Cradle my hips,
Rub my arms,
Brush my cheek,
Pull me in.
Sway with me.
Stay with me.
A finger on my spine.
A graze on my collar bone.
Cradle my hips,
Rub my arms,
Brush my cheek,
Pull me in.
Sway with me.
Stay with me.
10510 142
The hands are the most important part of a person,
They are what we use to feel.
They are what we use to draw each other closer.
Our hands have so much power over other people.
They can provide endless pleasure,
Or horrifying unthinkable pain,
Or reassurance.
They can convey so many feelings,
With touch and motion.
And with the right touch,
They can make a heart soar.
They are what we use to feel.
They are what we use to draw each other closer.
Our hands have so much power over other people.
They can provide endless pleasure,
Or horrifying unthinkable pain,
Or reassurance.
They can convey so many feelings,
With touch and motion.
And with the right touch,
They can make a heart soar.
10510 140
I can not stop thinking
About everything that happened.
What you wrote,
Or what you told me.
There are so many feelings
That I can not even find words for all of them.
It is something you have to convey with
A squeeze of the hand
And a meaningful look.
About everything that happened.
What you wrote,
Or what you told me.
There are so many feelings
That I can not even find words for all of them.
It is something you have to convey with
A squeeze of the hand
And a meaningful look.
10510 139
I was laying here,
And a huge overwhelming feeling of sadness overcame me.
I miss my best friend so much.
We haven't talked like we used to since school started.
I need to make a better effort to be there for her.
And a huge overwhelming feeling of sadness overcame me.
I miss my best friend so much.
We haven't talked like we used to since school started.
I need to make a better effort to be there for her.
10410 2301
I feel wretched,
That you have been losing sleep
When you could have been coming to me.
It makes my heart hurt to hear such a thing.
I feel absolutely wretched.
That you have been losing sleep
When you could have been coming to me.
It makes my heart hurt to hear such a thing.
I feel absolutely wretched.
10.04.2010
10510 152
It was not just his fault.
It was mine too.
I was so caught up
in typical teenage mistakes,
I forgot who I was outside of him.
It was not the best situation,
But it has matured me.
I do so wish I could wash off the feeling of his hands completely,
But these mental handprints are who I am.
And as selfish as it sounds,
I need you to love that part of me too.
It was mine too.
I was so caught up
in typical teenage mistakes,
I forgot who I was outside of him.
It was not the best situation,
But it has matured me.
I do so wish I could wash off the feeling of his hands completely,
But these mental handprints are who I am.
And as selfish as it sounds,
I need you to love that part of me too.
10410 2141
I'm not sure how you'll end up,
But I know I will be okay,
And I know where my heart is.
I'm sorry I dragged that on for as long as I did,
But I'm glad to finally know who my heart beats for.
I'm tired of being ashamed of my past.
But I know I will be okay,
And I know where my heart is.
I'm sorry I dragged that on for as long as I did,
But I'm glad to finally know who my heart beats for.
I'm tired of being ashamed of my past.
10.02.2010
10.01.2010
92910 102
When I think nowadays,
My thoughts are consumed with growing,
With moving away,
Graduation,
My boyfriend,
Or (inevitably) my ex boyfriend.
I'm losing myself.
My thoughts are consumed with growing,
With moving away,
Graduation,
My boyfriend,
Or (inevitably) my ex boyfriend.
I'm losing myself.
92910 104
I have never allowed myself
To be in a physically abusive relationship,
But I can connect with Dreamland.
The unhealthy escapes,
Isolating myself,
Hair always up in messy twists and the same baggy sweater,
Letting myself go.
It has taken me this long to finally realize-
You were the worst for me.
And this last summer between highschool years
Was my rehab from my habits,
Though the draw to the bad habits,
and even you
will always be there.
I can't relapse.
To be in a physically abusive relationship,
But I can connect with Dreamland.
The unhealthy escapes,
Isolating myself,
Hair always up in messy twists and the same baggy sweater,
Letting myself go.
It has taken me this long to finally realize-
You were the worst for me.
And this last summer between highschool years
Was my rehab from my habits,
Though the draw to the bad habits,
and even you
will always be there.
I can't relapse.
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