123014 0230

the ache to please
is something i have not felt
as intensely as this
ever in my life.
it is all for you
and i have no idea what to do with it.
i am terrified.

123014 0226

it is quite like being in a burning building
the smoke burns your eyes
and chokes you, creeping past your lips
and into your chest.
you can air out the smoke, lean out the window
but the smoke always comes back.
and
you have to put out this fire on your own

122214 0639

It almost feels the same as
stretching out my toes in the sand
the way it gives and flows through
I could get lost in the dips of your shoulders
and the lines next to your eyes when you smile
You thank me as you give to me
what no one else has and
at the same time you reach into my chest
and pull out my breath
it makes no sense to me but
these sweet nothings you whisper keep me warm when I come home

121814 0214

I just want to thank you
for the way you reflect out of me
for how the light that you shine so brightly with
has infected me and illuminates
everything i do or am around
please don't hurt me.

121814 0209

The word fire is reoccurring
in everything I've posted as of late
because I can think of
no other way to describe
the way my skin feels
after you've touched it in any way
You douse me in flammable
and throw the match down
and I love the burn
and the way you nurse my wounds
with open palms and soft lips
the way you hold me down and force my mouth open
to heave optimism into it and down my throat.
the way the flesh of your cheek gives way
to the lightest touches from my fingertips
is all the inspiration i need for the week

121314 0403

I love the way your hand on my chest
alleviates any stress that has settled
and the way you move a million miles an hour
but still manage to soothe every inch of me
after you have set me on fire.

121014 0031

You run your fingers through me
and untangle the knots underneath my skin
soothing and smoothing.

120814 1132

You pulled flesh from my bones with your teeth

Pulling me away from myself

dizzy from the brain and out

receiving so much at once.

i lay open,

ready to take more even when

it was all taken

because i love the way you pull me apart.

120414 2351

i want to know what lights you on fire
what gets under your skin and stays there
what crosses your mind when
your face hits the pillow
and i want to trace your thoughts
with gentle fingertips
to soothe when they get dark
to understand when they are beautiful

120314 2051

Consuming me, 

soft lights and 

watching the blinds as the sun came up

hands on hips and in hair and all over.

we waste time as if there is no more time to be wasted

twisted around each other and ready 

palms up and open and ready to give

even while receiving. 

you set me on fire and even hours later

i am still burning.

120214 0546

I wake up and it is a struggle to throw my legs over the side of my bed and dig my toes into the carpet. Sometimes I wake up and I look for the orange bottle and realize I decided to live the hard way. Exhaustion comes too early in the day, as if just existing has taken all my energy. Caring for another person when you can barely remember to drink some water is so far from what is supposed to be healthy.

I don't want pity, I never have and I never will... I do ask for understanding and patience. It is hard to stay here when I've been ready to go. I fucking survived, though. Each morning I wake up and get out of bed, I've already won a battle or two. Just by opening my eyes, I've won again. I'm fighting a million battles every day and every day I win them all. So it's okay I'm exhausted. I just have to continue reminding myself that I'm beating it with each step I take. 

12214 0524

You dug your fingers into me 

and strummed me from the inside

in to your elbows 

I felt you drumming on my lungs

knocking the wind out of me

you withdrew your arms so gently

120114 0438

I want to bury myself in all the ways
you look at me when you get out of your car
and the way you watched the motions of my silhouette
against soft streetlights